This blog comes in after alot of procrastination. For the past few days i have been wanting to write. Everything time i thought I'd sit down and write, i got caught with something or the other - a fresh episode of a sitcom(a recent addiction i am not proud of)or poker on face book or catching up with sleep.
someone once suggested that i should write more often. For what reason? i am not very sure. But somehow only upheavals- emotional ones, generally, nudge me to write.
i guess this is such a time. i have been free for some time now and been weighing my "what after graduation" options. the build up till my graduation was smooth. i always knew what i wanted next and mostly got it. now suddenly i stand on a quivering platform. i am directionless. i tried to resent this cluelessness but i guess it got better of me.
To overcome this discontent i took to morning walks. i step out every morning, stop at a particular shop, buy smokes and walk a little further down to a secluded park. i light up my cigarette and sit at the base of a slide. it was while sitting there one of these days i realised the need for a little introspection. this disconcerting exercise made me realise that i have fallen out of my own script.
I know what to do!
Hours pass by and I continue to think- What to do?
What to do? I’ll tell you what to do- run down a slope, set yourself free, let your hair fly wild.
I might not be able to hold my breath while running down. Suggest something else, something exciting and less clichéd.
Try pottery. You have always wanted to do that. Mould wet clay into whatever you want.
Paint it.
I want to. But I don’t know how to? Something that’s not too difficult.
Not too difficult!! Cooking- you enjoy it immensely. Succulent, fresh vegetables, wonderful herbs, gorgeous mix of colors- what a sight!! Or maybe scribble something on your blog. It’s been a while since you last updated it.
Chuck it! I’ve done enough of it. I think I’d rather log on to a social networking site and waste my time.
Thank you.
What to do? I’ll tell you what to do- run down a slope, set yourself free, let your hair fly wild.
I might not be able to hold my breath while running down. Suggest something else, something exciting and less clichéd.
Try pottery. You have always wanted to do that. Mould wet clay into whatever you want.
Paint it.
I want to. But I don’t know how to? Something that’s not too difficult.
Not too difficult!! Cooking- you enjoy it immensely. Succulent, fresh vegetables, wonderful herbs, gorgeous mix of colors- what a sight!! Or maybe scribble something on your blog. It’s been a while since you last updated it.
Chuck it! I’ve done enough of it. I think I’d rather log on to a social networking site and waste my time.
Thank you.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Today is one of those queer days when I’m feeling strong from within. I can sense strength running through my body. I’m not vindictive anymore, at least not at the moment. I don’t want to escape. I want to relive all the moments I had convinced myself never to get back to. A clear snap with the past is an unlikely situation with me. For erasing it, means destroying a part of me too. Just to get over the past I’m not ready to get over myself. I hold myself much more important.
Escapism is not the end of my story. In fact in my case it was the beginning. From shunning every thing away to embracing it all as a part of me, I have come a long away. Finally I’m at peace with self. I think it’s the “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind” effect.
Escapism is not the end of my story. In fact in my case it was the beginning. From shunning every thing away to embracing it all as a part of me, I have come a long away. Finally I’m at peace with self. I think it’s the “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind” effect.
your lie
I lived your lie,
Passionate and honest
While my truth lurked in hallow darkness,
Naïve and unaware.
I cross lit corners and find you standing there,
Mocking and glorious.
I look through the corner of my eye and shudder.
Suddenly the bubble bursts.
I embrace my reality and smile at your beautiful lie.
Clueless and shaken.
Passionate and honest
While my truth lurked in hallow darkness,
Naïve and unaware.
I cross lit corners and find you standing there,
Mocking and glorious.
I look through the corner of my eye and shudder.
Suddenly the bubble bursts.
I embrace my reality and smile at your beautiful lie.
Clueless and shaken.
And the stroll continues…
As I stroll down the road soaking in the bright sun, I can’t help but think of the worlds I belong to. I kick the stone lying on the footpath and go on with my thoughts- uninterrupted. I can still feel the warmth of the hot coffee mug nestled in my curled fingers. Easy conversations and tiffs come rushing back. Our laughter still hangs thick on the trees around the tea stall and your glass still rests there. Crackles, flowers and the purple toothbrush I cherish them all. Bus rides and long hours of wait. I can still smell the smoke in my hair and on your palms. Tears. Move on. Careful, the road takes a sharp turn. I sit alone and question myself. I relearn to laugh with my eyes and heart. The Magic is back again. New books, new characters and a newer world. Vain hours. Imagination at work. Color of the left. With zest splashed all over me, I embark on the journey again. Caught unaware this time. No boards read “caution: deep valley ahead”. I blush and smile. I feel like never before. I’m gulled to the cell phone 24*7. I Pinch myself. Insult my intuition. Smile even more. Dark road and us. The world is my oyster. Unheard melodies fill me up. I hear you breathe. I want to dance. I want to know but I ignore. I want to believe. I do. Pyrrhic joy. I banish my gut to dumps. Intoxicated fool. Not once, over and over again. Finally I shift lanes. The sun shines and the stroll continues. :)
surrender.
There are times I wish I wasn’t a part of. The seeds sown in those moments prick like thorns. I cut myself, see the blood gush out. It doesn’t hurt. I pierce through the bruise again and again. The pain has ceased. Whatever bleeds out isn’t blood anymore. I lay limp on the cold floor and see the crowds pass by. Cheerful faces, buoyant laughter, fuelled up souls I hate them all. I loathe the people I know, people I don’t know and those I might get acquainted to in the future. Darkness envelopes me and I don’t want to push it away. At least it promises to stand by me. I wish things were different. I wish I could feel the pinch,wallow in pain and cry out loud;rest my insecurities.But now I have surrendered.I am doped on indifference;towards one and all.I stand defeated.
AliVe
an aching soul,
doubtful existence,
struggling hopes,
i'm still alive
a thousand words,
mocking silence
tangled thoughts
i'm still alive
a hollow heart,
deafening cries,
life gone awry,
i'm still alive.
doubtful existence,
struggling hopes,
i'm still alive
a thousand words,
mocking silence
tangled thoughts
i'm still alive
a hollow heart,
deafening cries,
life gone awry,
i'm still alive.